Chick-fil-SHUT THE HELL UP

THIS.



This kind of stuff pisses me off. Okay, yes, I'm very socially liberal, and I don't like everyone's opinions. However, Facebook and the rest of the world needs to shut up about it already. Seriously. I'm so tired of hearing about this again and again every day. Yeah, alright--the CEO of Chick-fil-A stated his stance on same-sex marriage (how it shouldn't be legal/allowed). Sweet. The restaurant itself has been known to be religiously affiliated (Mormon/Christian), but who didn't see this coming? Furreal?

I mean, they're even closed on Sundays. On purpose. They didn't have a problem hiding that. And they actually do a fairly good job of NOT showing or shoving their religious views down their customers' throats. It's not like they're pulling one of these:


...and then saying, "Have a great day!"

Many people, including my own friends, have stated that they are not going to Chick-fil-A again--or for a while--because consuming their products automatically says to others, "I support what they (the CEO) stand for." Okay, I understand where they're coming from, but as far as I know, only the CEO has said something. And I don't know what people wanted to expect. We knew they were religious... so don't you think they *may* follow the Bible?? At least somewhat?

I'm all for gay marriage, but I'm sure not everyone working there follows everything the CEO believes. And here's something: We have something called the 1st Amendment. He has the right to say whatever he wants as long as it isn't libel, slander, or isn't threatening anyone's well-being. He didn't violate any of that. He felt like he wanted to be honest to millions of people, and kudos to him. He controls something billions of people go in and out of every year, and he decided to take a risk to build and/or tarnish his reputation by speaking about a very hot topic. Good for him.

Also! To the best of abilities, I do not recall Chick-fil-A ever denying gay people service just for walking in their restaurants gay. We are all paying customers and are consuming their food. If people want to protest because of what the CEO said, that's cool... but I'll tell you what:

I'm still going to eat there every once in a while, like I always have been, and I'm an atheist. Haha. Seriously. Too many people are blowing all of this waaaaay out of proportion. Eat... don't eat there. I don't care. But please, be more careful and mindful of why you're against something. The media isn't helping the cause too much, either. This was sooooo last week anyway. ;-)

Choose your battles wisely, peeps.


Autumn <3

Having a Heart to Heart... Literally

So, I do feel like blogging, but I didn't know how to start. I scrolled on down the lovely News Feed of Facebookland, and found a strangely wonderful article.

I had my suspicions about the heart, and there are apparently many articles that support my suspicions. The heart can't just be an organ that pumps blood, and that's it.

We feel so many things... and we feel other people's emotions so easily somehow. This may answer a lot of unanswered questions for people. It's amazing how much more we've advanced emotionally and technologically. We have become more than complex--we've become almost impossible to figure out like the Universe. Oh, and warning:

This article is quite long. Jumping around or skimming it probably won't hurt how much information you're able to attain from this. Also, although there are no sources cited in this article (...I think... I skimmed it, lol), if you Google sections of this article, there will be many articles on the research and tests about the heart that will pop up. Enjoy!!



Autumn <3<3

Your heart is the first organ to form. It is the most important part of our evolution of Consciousness. The Heart Has Its Own “Brain” and Consciousness. Many believe that conscious awareness originates in the brain alone. Recent scientific research suggests that consciousness actually emerges from the brain and body acting together. A growing body of evidence suggests that the heart plays a particularly significant role in this process.

Far more than a simple pump, as was once believed, the heart is now recognized by scientists as a highly complex system with its own functional "brain."

Research in the new discipline of neurocardiology shows that the heart is a sensory organ and a sophisticated center for receiving and processing information. The nervous system within the heart (or “heart brain”) enables it to learn, remember, and make functional decisions independent of the brain’s cerebral cortex. Moreover, numerous experiments have demonstrated that the signals the heart continuously sends to the brain influence the function of higher brain centers involved in perception, cognition, and emotional processing.

In addition to the extensive neural communication network linking the heart with the brain and body, the heart also communicates information to the brain and throughout the body via electromagnetic field interactions. The heart generates the body’s most powerful and most extensive rhythmic electromagnetic field. Compared to the electromagnetic field produced by the brain, the electrical component of the heart’s field is about 60 times greater in amplitude, and permeates every cell in the body. The magnetic component is approximately 5000 times stronger than the brain’s magnetic field and can be detected several feet away from the body with sensitive magnetometers.
The heart generates a continuous series of electromagnetic pulses in which the time interval between each beat varies in a dynamic and complex manner. The heart’s ever-present rhythmic field has a powerful influence on processes throughout the body. We have demonstrated, for example, that brain rhythms naturally synchronize to the heart’s rhythmic activity, and also that during sustained feelings of love or appreciation, the blood pressure and respiratory rhythms, among other oscillatory systems, entrain to the heart’s rhythm.

We propose that the heart’s field acts as a carrier wave for information that provides a global synchronizing signal for the entire body. Specifically, we suggest that as pulsing waves of energy radiate out from the heart, they interact with organs and other structures. The waves encode or record the features and dynamic activity of these structures in patterns of energy waveforms that are distributed throughout the body. In this way, the encoded information acts to in-form (literally, give shape to) the activity of all bodily functions—to coordinate and synchronize processes in the body as a whole. This perspective requires an energetic concept of information, in which patterns of organization are enfolded into waves of energy of system activity distributed throughout the system as a whole.

Basic research at the Institute of HeartMath shows that information pertaining to a person’s emotional state is also communicated throughout the body via the heart’s electromagnetic field. The rhythmic beating patterns of the heart change significantly as we experience different emotions. Negative emotions, such as anger or frustration, are associated with an erratic, disordered, incoherent pattern in the heart’s rhythms. In contrast, positive emotions, such as love or appreciation, are associated with a smooth, ordered, coherent pattern in the heart’s rhythmic activity. In turn, these changes in the heart’s beating patterns create corresponding changes in the structure of the electromagnetic field radiated by the heart, measurable by a technique called spectral analysis.

More specifically, we have demonstrated that sustained positive emotions appear to give rise to a distinct mode of functioning, which we call psychophysiological coherence. During this mode, heart rhythms exhibit a sine wave-like pattern and the heart’s electromagnetic field becomes correspondingly more organized.

At the physiological level, this mode is characterized by increased efficiency and harmony in the activity and interactions of the body’s systems.

Psychologically, this mode is linked with a notable reduction in internal mental dialogue, reduced perceptions of stress, increased emotional balance, and enhanced mental clarity, intuitive discernment, and cognitive performance.

In sum, our research suggests that psychophysiological coherence is important in enhancing consciousness—both for the body’s sensory awareness of the information required to execute and coordinate physiological function, and also to optimize emotional stability, mental function, and intentional action. Furthermore, as we see next, there is experimental evidence that psycho-physiological coherence may increase our awareness of and sensitivity to others around us. The Institute of HeartMath has created practical technologies and tools that all people can use to increase coherence.

Heart Field Interactions Between Individuals-

Most people think of social communication solely in terms of overt signals expressed through language, voice qualities, gestures, facial expressions, and body movements. However, there is now evidence that a subtle yet influential electromagnetic or “energetic” communication system operates just below our conscious awareness. Energetic interactions likely contribute to the “magnetic” attractions or repulsions that occur between individuals, and also affect social exchanges and relationships. Moreover, it appears that the heart’s field plays an important role in communicating physiological, psychological, and social information between individuals. Experiments conducted at the Institute of HeartMath have found remarkable evidence that the heart’s electromagnetic field can transmit information between people. We have been able to measure an exchange of heart energy between individuals up to 5 feet apart. We have also found that one person’s brain waves can actually synchronize to another person’s heart.

Furthermore, when an individual is generating a coherent heart rhythm, synchronization between that person’s brain waves and another person’s heartbeat is more likely to occur. These findings have intriguing implications, suggesting that individuals in a psychophysiologically coherent state become more aware of the information encoded in the heart fields of those around them.

The results of these experiments have led us to infer that the nervous system acts as an “antenna,” which is tuned to and responds to the electromagnetic fields produced by the hearts of other individuals. We believe this capacity for exchange of energetic information is an innate ability that heightens awareness and mediates important aspects of true empathy and sensitivity to others Furthermore, we have observed that this energetic communication ability can be intentionally enhanced, producing a much deeper level of nonverbal communication, understanding, and connection between people. There is also intriguing evidence that heart field interactions can occur between people and animals.
In short, energetic communication via the heart field facilitates development of an expanded consciousness in relation to our social world.

The Heart’s Field and Intuition-

There are also new data suggesting that the heart’s field is directly involved in intuitive perception, through its coupling to an energetic information field outside the bounds of space and time. Using a rigorous experimental design, we found compelling evidence that both the heart and brain receive and respond to information about a future event before the event actually happens. Even more surprising was our finding that the heart appears to receive this “intuitive” information before the brain. This suggests that the heart’s field may be linked to a more subtle energetic field that contains information on objects and events remote in space or ahead in time. Called by Karl Pribram and others the “spectral domain,” this is a fundamental order of potential energy that enfolds space and time, and is thought to be the basis for our consciousness of “the whole.” (See heartmath.org for further detail.)

Social Fields-

In the same way that the heart generates energy in the body, we propose that the social collective is the activator and regulator of the energy in social systems.
A body of groundbreaking work shows how the field of socioemotional interaction between a mother and her infant is essential to brain development, the emergence of consciousness, and the formation of a healthy self-concept. These interactions are organized along two relational dimensions—stimulation of the baby’s emotions, and regulation of shared emotional energy. Together they form a socioemotional field through which enormous quantities of psychobiological and psychosocial information are exchanged. Coherent organization of the mother-child relations that make up this field is critical. This occurs when interactions are charged, most importantly, with positive emotions (love, joy, happiness, excitement, appreciation, etc.), and are patterned as highly synchronized, reciprocal exchanges between these two individuals. These patterns are imprinted in the child’s brain and thus influence psychosocial function throughout life. (See Allan Schore, Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self.)

Moreover in a longitudinal study of 46 social groups, one of us (RTB) documented how information about the global organization of a group—the group’s collective consciousness—appears to be transmitted to all members by an energetic field of socio-emotional connection. Data on the relationships between each pair of members was found to provide an accurate image of the social structure of the group as a whole. Coherent organization of the group’s social structure is associated with a network of positively charged emotions (love, excitement, and optimism) connecting all members. This network of positive emotions appears to constitute a field of energetic connection into which information about the group’s social structure is encoded and distributed throughout the group. Remarkably, an accurate picture of the group’s overall social structure was obtained from information only about relationships between pairs of individuals. We believe the only way this is possible is if information about the organization of the whole group is distributed to all members of the group via an energetic field. Such correspondence in information between parts and the whole is consistent with the principle of holographic organization.

Synthesis and Implications-

Some organizing features of the heart field, identified in numerous studies at HeartMath, may also be shared by those of our hypothesized social field. Each is a field of energy in which the waveforms of energy encode the features of objects and events as energy moves throughout the system. This creates a nonlocal order of energetic information in which each location in the field contains an enfolded image of the organization of the whole system at that moment. The organization and processing of information in these energy fields can best be understood in terms of quantum holographic principles.


Another commonality is the role of positive emotions, such as love and appreciation, in generating coherence both in the heart field and in social fields. When the movement of energy is intentionally regulated to form a coherent, harmonious order, information integrity and flow are optimized. This, in turn, produces stable, effective system function, which enhances health, psychosocial well-being, and intentional action in the individual or social group.

Heart coherence and social coherence may also act to mutually reinforce each other. As individuals within a group increase psychophysiological coherence, psychosocial attunement may be increased, thereby increasing the coherence of social relations. Similarly, the creation of a coherent social field by a group may help support the generation and maintenance of psychophysiological coherence in its individual members. An expanded, deepened awareness and consciousness results—of the body’s internal physiological, emotional, and mental processes, and also of the deeper, latent orders enfolded into the energy fields that surround us. This is the basis of self-awareness, social sensitivity, creativity, intuition, spiritual insight, and understanding of ourselves and all that we are connected to. It is through the intentional generation of coherence in both heart and social fields that a critical shift to the next level of planetary consciousness can occur—one that brings us into harmony with the movement of the whole.

Slowly, the Pen Touches Paper....

All I have to say is that I hate my thoughts. The night is evil at times--tricking us into drowning in thoughts that may not exist outside the fantasy land of nighttime. It's kind of like a trap of sorts. Once the darkness falls, your brain begins to shatter the barrier between rationality and poison. Then, the merciless thoughts start to float in and overtake your entire being for the night.

Amazing, isn't it? Happens to me all the time... but I don't like it a lot of the time. Sometimes, it's horrific... what kind of things engulf you for hours at a time. I wish it would never happen, but you have to prepare yourself to brace for the worse somehow. Using this time as a training mechanism for life isn't a bad thing to do. Just don't get too swallowed up in the night's fantasy land.

"If you got put to sleep, like an old dog, you're better off."

(Don't mind me too much on this post. I'm horribly tired but almost restless. I don't know what the hell I could be thinking about at this point. Haha. Ugh. It's been one of those days.)



Autumn....

Fallin' from Cloud Nine

You know when you feel that constriction over your heart? It's weird. Even the slightest of holds around the heart can cause some strange emotions to emerge. What I feel is kind of like I lost something and also some sort of confusion. I don't know what to think of this; it's very unfamiliar to me. Very foreign. I can't help but to feel this way because even when I don't focus on the negative aspects of everything, the constriction occurs then just lingers. With all of the hurt and pain I had to deal with almost two weeks ago, I feel a whole lot better. I guess I may be feeling the aftermath. I've never dealt with this caliber of a situation.

The constriction isn't always there, but when it is there, it feels like it's been there for an eternity. Then, I just sleep it off. Every day I'm able to sleep it off, 0.5-1% of that feeling goes away. But when he's there with me, it just vanishes into thin air. Every day, my heart is patched up just a tiny bit more. I feel like a dedicious tree... in the middle of the forest, alone... growing back one leaf one day at a time. Honestly? I kind of want to cuddle for 24 hours straight. I am very aware that the aftermath of this kind of anguish and sorrow will take quite some time before it has completely run its course, but because of everything, it made me realize that... I don't know how strong I am anymore. This was not the bottom I wanted us to hit, but maybe--just maybe--this is a true test of our relationship, our love, our sacrifices.

He feels disgusted, weak, immature. I feel weak... almost lifeless sometimes. Maybe, this is our ultimate conquest before we take the final Leap of Faith. If we can hold each other through this, we can make it. We got through probably one of the hardest parts of this: the initial unveiling of the secrets. The most bipolar part of the test--ugh! It was terrible. But we're both still alive, haha. We can do this; I believe in us. It's just that at times, I don't believe in myself, and I need that encouragement from him. I just want to know if my wings are still behind me....

After all of this, I still think he is the one. He is one of the strongest people I know, and most likely the strongest man I've ever known in my entire life. He has a huge grip over my heart, and he soothes me no matter what he does. He's sweet, incredibly smart, sexy, handsome, charming, colorful, strange, weird, endearing, and... strong. I breath because of him; he is the wings on my back. He lets me fly with the power he gives me from his love. I can't imagine being in love with a more perfect man.

I know that he doesn't feel like he is worth almost anything, and he may not feel like he is a human anymore. However, we all make mistakes. And sometimes, we have to make ourselves hit rock bottom before we allow ourselves to see what we truly have to live for. It is always a harsh climb back up, if we have to take that route... but it's well worth it in the very end if we're able to get back to the top. It may not seem reachable at first, but with some support and love, the days will go by... easier and more adventurous than ever. Every day is a journey. A difficult one--one worth fighting through. We have one life; with the recent events we've all had to deal with, we can't afford to lose anything that is close to our hearts so easily. The precious is what keeps us going. We cannot afford to lose anything right now. We may be weak now, but together, we are a force to be reckoned with. We will hold each other up and push forward--physically or spiritually.

We will be stronger.



Autumn <3

Oh, Life... No Love Today

Ugh, what a day! It's been about how much I can tolerate people, for some reason. I didn't purposely make it that way, but that's definitely how it ended.

I broke off one friendship because I basically can't stand the person anymore. He's too much of a downer for me, and can't control his emotions... and expects me to be nice to him when he wants it--which is almost all the time. He put me on a pedestal for no reason, even when I told him not to, and when he finally saw the reality of me, he started getting bitchy. I'm never sorry for being brutally honest--ever. And he's not all that smart, either. Sometimes, we would have good conversations, but lately, they've all been horrible. He's a nihilist, and I honestly hate those kind of people. His nihilism affects most likely a good majority of his ideas and concepts... and it disgusts me. I won't get into the details of the breaking point I hit today with our friendship, but I didn't like it. That's for sure.

Unfortunately, friends are expendable. I guess less-than-good friends are expendable; once you find those people, they become like family. It's hard to let them go, and maybe you can't because they've been there for you through it all. But some of them have to come and go. Some friendships (or just certain ones) run their course, and then they come to a screeching halt. It's unlucky, but true. And we all must consider this throughout life, even the clingy people. You damn clingy peeps need to get that through your heads. Haha. Speaking of clingy people...

I went to day one of Colorado Springs Pride today, and I got to see my friend, Laura, there. However, her sister, Ruth-Ann, was there as well, and every time she saw me and her sister together talking, she would verbally and physically avoid us. She was mad at me because she's dating one of my good friends, and I said my opinion about what I thought about their rekindled relationship. When Laura yelled at her earlier today about being a baby, she started trying to go off on me... at one point saying that I tried "to break off [their] relationship."

Here's what I said to her boyfriend/my friend when I found out they were dating:

Woooooooow. Well, good luck with her, Gary. I was right about your last relationship.... If you need some history/advice, I have some for you. Love you, man! ♥

I don't think I was trying to break off anything, and I'm not going to apologize for speaking my mind. I could've said much worse on a widely-public forum.... BUUUUUUUUT I wanted to be supportive (and I am). ;-)
People don't like my honesty, and it's not like I'm extremely blunt and harsh all the damn time. I am aware that I may have to let people down in a more "gentle" manner, but I try not to sugar-coat anything anymore. It didn't get me very far, and I wasn't able to speak my mind at all really. It actually feels so much better to say what you want to say. Like, for example, in fights in relationships: I'd rather yell and bitch and moan and groan at each other for an hour about something. And in person. (Texting fights could ruin a relationship potentially faster than anything else!) None of that texting crap. First off, anger can be a deadly emotion, but it also can be used to save the precious. I don't want to hold in my words and anger if I have the need to get it out. Sometimes, anger can get out the truth better than neutral emotions can. There are times when you need to bite your tongue, but if you want something to grow, it may be better just to let it all out... then have make-up pillow fights... or sex... or something.

Things like that leave a sign of relief, even if it doesn't seem that way at first... or in the moment. I like it. I don't know. Maybe, I'm just weird. Haha.

But hey...

Somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.

:-)

Anyway, THEN, another friend who wanted me to go Pride in the first place NEVER got back to me... nor do I think she looked for me when I got there. It was at Acacia Park... it's not that damn big! She would text me asking me where I was... I would reply... then nothing. Call, no answer. Text again, no answer. It was ridiculous; I stayed there for almost 3 hours waiting and looking for her. So, I said f**k it and left. She has ditched me who knows how many times now. I don't know how much longer I can do this Cat-and-Mouse game with her. >:(

I think people just wanted to push my buttons today; it's totally not cool. The good part about today was that I got a bunch of compliments on my outfit and boots. And I got to see a few friends I haven't seen in a looooong time. Like Kally. I haven't seen that girl in person for about 7 years. It was crazy to see how much she changed--from a cutesy, Christian girl to a DUI-having, going-back-to-jail lesbian. Hahahaha. Such a strange world we live in, but I (sometimes) love it.

Things aren't easy, but you do have to fight for everything that's worth it. You can't just let a piece of you float away so easily. That statement just made me feel so lonely just now, especially with what I've had to deal with all day today. Ugh, I wanna cry; maybe, I'm starting to get all hormonal again. NO, NOT AGAIN! Arghiobngkd/



!!!!!!!!!!... *holding back the tears, takes a deep breath*


Any... way, my day has been strange. Oh, well. Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully, a better one.



Autumn <3

I'm Wide Awake

Sometimes, I feel lost--traveling inside a sea of random sensations. I always know when I'm going down the correct path, but I can never predict how I'm supposed to feel. It's almost a never-ending cycle. It may be a control issue; I was always a perfectionist in one way or another for a huge chunk of my life. I try to pass down my wisdom to others, regardless of if they're actually going to listen to me or not.

At times, I try too hard. I have to learn when to say something, then take a step back. There are some exceptions, though, but I don't want to prevent anyone from growing. Where I am right now, it's hard for me to be lost, but when I do get lost... I have someone there to guide me back to the light.

There are two quotes from an ex-best friend/ex-fiancée that have stuck with me for a while because they have so much meaning, although they are simplistic.

"Take my hand and bring me down the road to an amazing life together."
"You're the light that guides me through the darkest parts of my heart, and if I were to lose you, I would get lost on my path to the light."

These are held so close to my heart, and it's one of the reasons why I wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to that one person who will guide me to that light. That person I can hold hands with me and journey with through the joyous times and and horrific times. The bumps, valleys, and mountains will be in every person's life, but sometimes, it's the person who is there by your side who makes all of the obstacles worth conquering in the very end. Changes will always be made; life is never static (even if you try your hardest to make it that way).

*I'm very distracted by Family Guy, by the way.*

Ugh. This adventure will be different every day; we will learn new things about ourselves, each other, and life. It's gonna be rough at times, and then amazing! I can't wait to explore the deep, possibly endless crevasses of life and the Universe with the one I love. It will all be worth it in the end, but we can never know how we will get to that lovely, longing light.



Autumn <3

Randomness for the Day

Hmmm. Another day... another day. Today was actually quite fun. I worked from 8 to 3 instead of 3 to 10 (which is freakin' awesome for me)! I HATE closing... with a passion! I don't know what it is about it, but I just hate closing. And it's not because I'm not a night person. I barely sleep at night, but that usually never matters because I always wake up somewhere between 1 A.M. and 6 A.M. every morning. I've worked on less than 2 hours of sleep before. Not a fun experience, especially when caffeine doesn't do NADA. D:<

Anyway, my manager wants to take me to Subjammers. It's a yearly Subway competition about who can accurately make a loaded sub in the fastest time. Seriously. That's it. But they're quite strict about it. The formulas have to be to the "T." Something more or less could cost you the competition. It's extremely competitive, and it's actually very interesting because no one really knows about this competition outside of Subway. But it's worth it. You get to see some awesome badasses make neat-ass sandwiches in less than a minute--to perfection. It's crazy. I'm not all that fast, but I'm definitely gonna try. My heart might pounce onto the bread before they tell me go, but it's okay! I'll be with Subway for a while, so I may have my time to shine soon enough!

Speaking of Subway, I called off for Friday and Saturday because I was booked to dance at the Springs Pride, but they didn't have boxes for us. So, no dancing for me this weekend. Poooooo. I haven't been on a stage in a while, but I hope it happens some time soon. Dancing is a wonderful influence on my life and on anyone's life really. It helps move the spirit and the soul in ways never before possible. It helps to release what has been held in for what may feel like an eternity.

...........I want Cocoa Puffs cupcakes. Uhh. Yeah.
I've been craving those for a day now because they look soooo delicious on the box. I needs to buy me some.

I really, really want make some for James. I think he would really like them. Gah, I miss his touch. We've been apart for about two days now, and it feels like it's been much longer. It's strange how time slows down when dealing with the love of your life. Oh, well. Soon enough, I'll be able to see him in all of his inspiring wonderfulness. Today was quite an adventure. And my manager owes me, like $20 or something because of all the compliments I've been getting lately from customers. Yay! It's exciting. Well, that's all for right now. Je vous aime tous!



Autumn <3

Come One, Come All

Soooooo... my first official blog post in a few years. I kind of miss doing this--expressing my emotions and thoughts only to look back on them and think, "What the hell happened?" Haha. I'm an odd soul; sometimes, I don't even know what to do with myself. I like that, though. Being lost or confused isn't always a negative thing. It may help to bring a brand new adventure to your life. And my life has definitely been an adventure lately.

Getting my license and my car was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever done in my life. Some illegal stuff, some retarded stuff... some switched numbers, too much paperwork, little food, little water, LOTS and LOTS of adrenaline, 6+ hours of walking... but in the end, I got what I wanted and needed. I'm a licensed driver with my own car. Now, my only hump to get through now is registration--the DMV. I'm not looking forward to that trip at all. Ugh!

Hmmm. I guess I'm not too worried about it. There's something else I'm not too worried about, either, but I am worried about my thoughts. His name is James. We've been through a bunch... and I mean a bunch. We broke up June 5 last month, which broke off our engagement. Somehow, we couldn't make it where we were. Everything about our relationship in the last couple months determined that things were going to be held back. A lot of it, I felt, was my fault. Although my wings weren't fully spread, I didn't let his wings expand either. And he felt that in his heart. It made me feel so guilty; our break was, in its purest essence, a great event. I'm actually quite thankful for it. I don't know what the future will hold for us, but I know we will enter that future together.

Being with him is like a dream... sicle. Haha, just kidding. Maybe. Anyway. I constantly miss him, but I have to tell myself, "I need to let him be a soaring Eagle." He almost was--we almost were together--but things started to break down. Now, it's time for a different approach. (I will explain more about the situation a little bit more in later posts, but I'm just putting down my thoughts as they come out.) I honestly don't think my heart can live without him. He's the song that secretly whispers through my heart without me asking for it. When my heart was mute for the 1 1/2 months we were broken up, I felt numb, silent... dead. My heart lost its purpose to beat because it lost the song. The song it was beating to. But I'm a fighter. I can't just step down and let the failure occur. I have to fight--fight for what I truly love. And I love him. I will always fight for him.

Well, that's all I have for now. If I get overwhelmed with other thoughts, I'll make another post, haha.



Autumn <3