I broke off one friendship because I basically can't stand the person anymore. He's too much of a downer for me, and can't control his emotions... and expects me to be nice to him when he wants it--which is almost all the time. He put me on a pedestal for no reason, even when I told him not to, and when he finally saw the reality of me, he started getting bitchy. I'm never sorry for being brutally honest--ever. And he's not all that smart, either. Sometimes, we would have good conversations, but lately, they've all been horrible. He's a nihilist, and I honestly hate those kind of people. His nihilism affects most likely a good majority of his ideas and concepts... and it disgusts me. I won't get into the details of the breaking point I hit today with our friendship, but I didn't like it. That's for sure.
Unfortunately, friends are expendable. I guess less-than-good friends are expendable; once you find those people, they become like family. It's hard to let them go, and maybe you can't because they've been there for you through it all. But some of them have to come and go. Some friendships (or just certain ones) run their course, and then they come to a screeching halt. It's unlucky, but true. And we all must consider this throughout life, even the clingy people. You damn clingy peeps need to get that through your heads. Haha. Speaking of clingy people...
I went to day one of Colorado Springs Pride today, and I got to see my friend, Laura, there. However, her sister, Ruth-Ann, was there as well, and every time she saw me and her sister together talking, she would verbally and physically avoid us. She was mad at me because she's dating one of my good friends, and I said my opinion about what I thought about their rekindled relationship. When Laura yelled at her earlier today about being a baby, she started trying to go off on me... at one point saying that I tried "to break off [their] relationship."
Here's what I said to her boyfriend/my friend when I found out they were dating:
Woooooooow. Well, good luck with her, Gary. I was right about your last relationship.... If you need some history/advice, I have some for you. Love you, man! ♥
I don't think I was trying to break off anything, and I'm not going to apologize for speaking my mind. I could've said much worse on a widely-public forum.... BUUUUUUUUT I wanted to be supportive (and I am). ;-)
People don't like my honesty, and it's not like I'm extremely blunt and harsh all the damn time. I am aware that I may have to let people down in a more "gentle" manner, but I try not to sugar-coat anything anymore. It didn't get me very far, and I wasn't able to speak my mind at all really. It actually feels so much better to say what you want to say. Like, for example, in fights in relationships: I'd rather yell and bitch and moan and groan at each other for an hour about something. And in person. (Texting fights could ruin a relationship potentially faster than anything else!) None of that texting crap. First off, anger can be a deadly emotion, but it also can be used to save the precious. I don't want to hold in my words and anger if I have the need to get it out. Sometimes, anger can get out the truth better than neutral emotions can. There are times when you need to bite your tongue, but if you want something to grow, it may be better just to let it all out... then have make-up pillow fights... or sex... or something.
Things like that leave a sign of relief, even if it doesn't seem that way at first... or in the moment. I like it. I don't know. Maybe, I'm just weird. Haha.
But hey...
Somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love.:-)
Anyway, THEN, another friend who wanted me to go Pride in the first place NEVER got back to me... nor do I think she looked for me when I got there. It was at Acacia Park... it's not that damn big! She would text me asking me where I was... I would reply... then nothing. Call, no answer. Text again, no answer. It was ridiculous; I stayed there for almost 3 hours waiting and looking for her. So, I said f**k it and left. She has ditched me who knows how many times now. I don't know how much longer I can do this Cat-and-Mouse game with her. >:(
I think people just wanted to push my buttons today; it's totally not cool. The good part about today was that I got a bunch of compliments on my outfit and boots. And I got to see a few friends I haven't seen in a looooong time. Like Kally. I haven't seen that girl in person for about 7 years. It was crazy to see how much she changed--from a cutesy, Christian girl to a DUI-having, going-back-to-jail lesbian. Hahahaha. Such a strange world we live in, but I (sometimes) love it.
Things aren't easy, but you do have to fight for everything that's worth it. You can't just let a piece of you float away so easily. That statement just made me feel so lonely just now, especially with what I've had to deal with all day today. Ugh, I wanna cry; maybe, I'm starting to get all hormonal again. NO, NOT AGAIN! Arghiobngkd/
!!!!!!!!!!... *holding back the tears, takes a deep breath*
Any... way, my day has been strange. Oh, well. Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully, a better one.
Autumn <3
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